Category: 
September 17, 2008Hi,
I am married for three years and I am a hindu by birth and I got married to the same caste guy.Everything was going on well till my son was born.He is now 2 and after some 2 years of my married life we are fighting very commonly and now I am in the US where my husband constantly threatens me that he”ll divorce me.He knows very well that I love him so much but still I dont know why he does that pretty often.Can someone tell me what is going on in my life? ( Sounds kind of crazy,But it”ll be great if I know from a third person’s perspective)
Since you asked for more details:
I got conceived around 3 months sfter my marriage which is a mutual decision.and i have bloated to double the size i was during my pregnancy which I have lost my weight now.I am at home and he goes to office.I dont insult his parents or anyone.I dont speak to him as he gets annoyed so easily now adays.and I dont think if i speak to him he"lllisten .as whatever I speak he finds a mistake and shouts and starts up a fight.
Well here’s the thing…if he’s threatening you with divorce constantly, maybe he’s not so committed to this marriage as you are. This could either be him trying to manipulate you by making threats to leave you and your son or it could be him trying to piss you off enough so you’ll tell him to go ahead and leave (which may be what he wants).
Don’t get me wrong, i believe that once someone gets married, it should be for life. And when problems come up, i believe you should try everything to work them out and ONLY when someone cheats or abuses the other person is that an acceptable excuse to leave. However, if one person is bent on leaving, do not blame yourself because it was not your fault. Try to work it out but recognize that you can not control what your husband ultimately does.
I think you two need to go to a marriage counselor. He needs to stop making threats if he doesn’t actually mean them; if he does mean them, i doubt anything you will try will save the marriage unless he changes his mind.
So just ask him; find out whether or not he’s serious. Sit him down and talk to him. Ask him if he really wants to leave. If he says no, explain to him exactly how horrible it makes you feel to hear him say that.
Horaayy..there are 11 comment(s) for me so far ;)
there is just not enough info to answer this
He may have somone else, too much stress, a medical problem, or he is jealous of the baby.
there is no way to tell.
try and get him to open up and talk to you. Then you will know
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Make arrangements to move out next time he threatens to divorce you. Live apart for a while and see if he loves you!!
You may love him, but it sounds like he is abusing this love you have for him.
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Is he serious. If he divorces you will you have to leave the country. If so maybe this his way of telling you he is in control. It makes him feel powerful and he likes showing you he is the boss. I am sorry but you can not save your marriage by yourself. It takes 2 people to have a marriage. If he’s not willing to work on it then there is no way it will work.
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Since everything was going well until your son got here, maybe your husband is jealous of the baby. This is not unusual. Ask him why he is angry with you. I don’t know about your culture, but if I don’t like the way a person treats me, I leave. WITH MY CHILD.
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Well here’s the thing…if he’s threatening you with divorce constantly, maybe he’s not so committed to this marriage as you are. This could either be him trying to manipulate you by making threats to leave you and your son or it could be him trying to piss you off enough so you’ll tell him to go ahead and leave (which may be what he wants).
Don’t get me wrong, i believe that once someone gets married, it should be for life. And when problems come up, i believe you should try everything to work them out and ONLY when someone cheats or abuses the other person is that an acceptable excuse to leave. However, if one person is bent on leaving, do not blame yourself because it was not your fault. Try to work it out but recognize that you can not control what your husband ultimately does.
I think you two need to go to a marriage counselor. He needs to stop making threats if he doesn’t actually mean them; if he does mean them, i doubt anything you will try will save the marriage unless he changes his mind.
So just ask him; find out whether or not he’s serious. Sit him down and talk to him. Ask him if he really wants to leave. If he says no, explain to him exactly how horrible it makes you feel to hear him say that.
References :
He is most likely just totally stressed out since the birth and has no way to relieve his stresses. Perhaps, he needs a hobby or an other way to express his emotions.
I know for a fact that parenthood can be stressful. Each person deals with stress differently. You should realize this and try to use how you know your husband in this issue. That is, you know him better then most; you know what relieves his stress. Talk openly and honestly. You will get through it.
I wish you luck, love and peace!
Ryan
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He is a chauvinist pig and does not have respect for you as a wife and mother. It goes against traditional values. Contact a women’s crisis center because he maybe dangerous. A good Hindu husband is good to his wife. Do you have a Hindu support group of women? I don’t like the sound of this guy, I get bad feelings thinking about it. Protect yourself and divorce him first!
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Ok, there’s two likely scenarios here. He is unhappy with his life and himself and wants out..or he’s looking for worth and attention because the baby is now taking away from him since you two were married. Either way is fixable via one route……communication. You have to break EACHOTHER down (not in a bad way) to get out what the underlying issues are and work them out…even if it’s the worst case scenario where he wants to date other people, lack of attraction, or is gay…but if you don’t get it out, it will eat one of you or the other up and ultimately tear you apart. You can still get it out AND still fix it and heal your relationship, but time will tell and heal. If you truly love eachother, then you trust eachother….if so, then you should have the ability to open up completely in the other without any obstacles. That’s what it’s all about.
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well honey,this is from an american,and a woman,you want to save your marriage and you love him so much,but you know nothing else.you have no right to be treated this way.if he loved you,he would still love you even after 3 years.or it was never love on his part .
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You need to put your foot down! …show him that you can do it without him shouting and fighting, its not good for your child. You have a voice and you need to use it, and make things change for the better…good luck! and get to the bottom of what it is that makes him so upset.
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I have been like your husband. It’s a case of one is just a mood MF, you know just a miserable person.
I don’t know if it is how he grew up or the pressures of having a wife and kid(s) or that the newness/honeymoon phase of a relationship has warn off and he isn’t smart enough to realize that’s when true love requires some effort.
He has lost respect for you and that is why he acts the way he does. He knows he can get away with it, so he keeps doing it. In a way, by treating you like this, it makes him feel temporarily powerful but he gets more mad, because deep inside he hates himself and feels empty…or he wouldn’t treat you like this.
Also sometimes woman can be realllly annoying and not even realize it. I am there so I can’t tell. I know this one American woman who complained all the time of nasty husband. When I spent time with them, I saw how she drove him nuts and I even told her off.
now, this might not be the case for you.
So you love the guy and want to save the marriage but he won’t listen to you. Then all you can do, if he won’t go to counseling and a family member/friend can intervene is accept it. Learn to be like the Buddha and let it pass through you, Find yourself within via intense sadhana or ajapa. Surrender to Krishna or whoever your deity (or even directly to Brahman), you are working karma out, do your best and be open to step aside form direct karmic punches.
Don’t underestimate the power of a homa (if you have money) or marriage mantra. There are some online that’ll help you control your hubby. You empower food and feed to hubby, but be pure intention!
You deserve better, but you’re probably learning lessons and balancing karma. You’ve done what you can practically, now come to Krishna/Brahman, etc
(5) To control husband
Ladies can use this mantra to control their husbands who have gone astray, those who do not cooperate and are our of control. This mantra too can be used to control enemies, opponents, superiors and others.
Mantra
“Om namo maharyakshaya Mam Pati me Vashya kuru kuru Swaha”
Recite the mantra 108 times duly performing Homa. the articels used in such mantra must be infused with recitation 7 times with above mantra and given to the husband to eat to control him.
1) Vashi Karan Mantra(Use of Supari)
Supari (Used in betel) should be infused 108 times with this mantra. Whosoever is offered this supari and eats it, will be under your control. It is best to take sweet supari packets duly infused and kept with you for use.
Mantra
“Om Dev namo Hrarye tha tha Swaha”
(2) Use of fruits
The mantra shoud be recited ten thousand times to attain siddhi. After than take any good fruit and infuse it with mantra 108 times. Whosoever will take the fruit will remain under your control.
Mantra
“Om Hareeng Mohini Swaha”
(3) Use of water
Rise early in the morning and after your ablutions purify the water with 7 mantras and with the name of the person required to be brought under your control. Drink this water. Repeat for 21 days. The person concerned will be under your control.
References :
http://www.aryabhatt.com/mantras/VASHIKARAN.htm